Opinions on Grieving
Reading a recent article published by Women’s Agenda about performer Tim Minchin sharing that he was saddened at the recent loss of his mother, it was surprising to learn that the response from the audience was divided as to whether he should be sharing his grief. (Read the full article here).
There’s two key points we’d like to make on this. The first is that there is no ‘should’ about it. Grief is a messy, complex and completely individual experience – no two people will grieve the exact same way and that means we need to allow space for each person to process their grief in the ways that best serve them.
“Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people”
So for Tim, if that’s sharing his loss with his audience, so be it. For others, it might mean retreating from the world, it might mean hosting a giant party to celebrate, or some other option from an endless list of possibilities. The only ‘should’ here is that you should do what is best for you.
The second is how you respond or provide support when someone shows you their grief.
It can be challenging to support someone grieving, especially if they are grieving in a way that differs from how you might prefer to, or in a way that doesn’t align with your values. Please though, be compassionate and hold space for them, ask how they are (perhaps not so much when they’re on stage performing like Tim was), ask about their loss, and truly listen. Just do your best to be supportive, there’s no rule about how to do that.
At this time of year, it’s a really hard space to be in. Grief is always there and often surges when there are big moments like when you’re still processing the loss, milestones being achieved, special dates or days, and of course, the holiday season. Respected local expert Dr Lucy Hone has an excellent guide for those grieving on how to survive the holidays, which can be helpful to read if you want to support someone grieving.
The article itself makes another key point, one which is well made and worth reiterating: Tim Minchin sharing openly his emotions is some powerful role-modelling, and something we need more of. Quoting a source from The Man Cave, the article says that “the visibility of “healthy masculinity” and emotional openness like that displayed by Minchin has the potential to positively influence the behaviour of young men”. Here, here.
Whether you’re grieving, or supporting someone who is, or are just feeling like 2023 has taken it’s toll, as we move into the silly season please remember we’re all only human and each of us will experience and process things differently, so let’s give ourselves and those around us some time and space to breathe, and extend as much compassion as we can.
