The Importance of Challenging Conversations
The idea of talking about challenging or uncomfortable topics can feel daunting. This is because doing so can put us in a vulnerable position. However, vulnerability is powerful because it allows us to build trust and improve our self-awareness. In this way, vulnerability is a key example of short-term pain for long-term gain.
Engaging in vulnerable conversations and speaking up about difficult topics is important for many reasons. A few of these reasons include how it can aid you in preparing for the future, improving your relationship with yourself, and releasing built-up thoughts and feelings.
This idea is touched on by Brene Brown, in his podcast episode on The Power of Regret, which is based on two large studies on regret. He explores with Dan Pink that over time, people tend to regret what they didn’t do more than what they did do. This connects to the theme of talking about challenging topics, as you are more likely to regret not doing this, than doing it.
It is also important that when discussing challenging topics, you speak with someone you trust. You could start preparing for this by speaking to yourself positively - tell yourself that you are not doing anything wrong, that you are taking a brave step, and that the person you are going to talk to is only there to love and support you. By doing this, you are offsetting negative self-judgement and allowing yourself to be present when you have a challenging conversation.
If you prefer to reflect before talking, journalling can be another helpful method to help you prepare for a challenging conversation. This could help you centre your thoughts and come up with a direction for what you want to say. You could do this by following some of these journaling prompts:
How am I feeling? What emotions am I noticing in myself right now?
What is on my mind?
What would I like some support with?
Is there anything specific I want to remember to say?
When choosing a trusted individual to speak with, you might like to talk to a family member, friend, or loved one. However, if you do not feel comfortable speaking with someone close to you, you could consider speaking with a doctor, counsellor, or therapist. There are also Helplines available, which are listed at the end of this article.
Reason One - Future Preparation
Being open and having discussions about challenging topics can allow you to prepare and plan for the future.
There are two examples on our website which can help you with this. The first is about Advance Care Planning and the second is about how to talk to your parents about their care wishes.
Advance Care Planning is a conversational process between an individual and healthcare professionals, which may also involve the individual’s loved ones. This process is a form of planning for the future, as it allows an individual to articulate their wishes for their future healthcare, such as for their end-of-life care.
Conversations in Advance Care Planning may be uncomfortable, as it can be confronting and challenging to discuss potential circumstances where one becomes unwell or unable to make competent choices. However, by discussing these issues, not only can the individual express their wishes and retain control over their future healthcare, but the burden of decision-making on their loved ones can be alleviated.
Therefore, by having uncomfortable or challenging conversations with medical professionals and loved ones now, you can prepare for your future, reduce uncertainty, and aid better outcomes. You could navigate tricky conversations about future healthcare wishes by having the conversation early (while everyone is still healthy), sharing your views honestly, and asking open-ended questions.
If you would like to learn more about Advance Care Planning, you can access our webpage and free downloadable guide here.
If you would like to explore more information and tips around navigating challenging conversations about healthcare wishes, you can access our webpage and free downloadable guide here.
Reason Two - Improving Your Relationship with Yourself
Engaging in discussions about challenging topics can provide you with the opportunity to open up to someone you trust while allowing you to articulate your thoughts into words.
When you express your thoughts about a challenging topic, this can help you gain a clearer understanding of it. Verbalising your thoughts forces your brain to organise and articulate your thoughts and feelings coherently, helping you to regulate and understand your emotions
Kyle MacDonald, a New Zealand psychotherapist, also explores the pivotal value of talking about feelings. He explains here that ‘language is a powerful way to start recognising, accepting and validating distressing emotions’. This reflects how influential verbalizing your thoughts can be for emotional regulation and self-awareness.
Verbalising your thoughts can also encourage you to become more aware of your emotions, beliefs, and values. This self-awareness can help you understand your motives, intentions, and reactions. Consequently, these difficult conversations can aid you in developing your relationship with yourself by allowing you to understand better why you hold the values and thoughts that you have. Or in other words, as sung in Human by Stan Walker, “You gotta know where ya been to know where ya going”.
Reason Three - Releasing Emotions
Talking about challenging topics with someone you trust provides a healthy outlet for you to express your feelings and emotions. If you bottle up your emotions about difficult topics, this may only make the topic harder to navigate by overwhelming your mind with different thoughts and feelings.
When you have a challenging conversation and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are also allowing yourself to release your emotions while preventing your thoughts from escalating or building up further. This also helps you build stronger emotional health (which is crucial to your well-being), as you are teaching yourself to notice and deal with challenging emotions as they arise. This is touched on here by Healthline, which also states that connecting with loved ones can help you combat those harder thoughts and emotions.
When you bottle up how you are feeling and choose not to talk to someone else about it, your inner voice (and critic) dictates your perceptions. As a result, your feelings about the challenging topic could progress or get worse if you leave your thoughts hovering in your mind and continue revisiting them or pondering over them. Therefore, when you express your emotions, you are creating space for new perspectives and ideas that you haven’t yet considered - which may develop your understanding of the topic and improve future outcomes.
Overall, while raising and talking about challenging topics can feel daunting, these conversations are so important. By being vulnerable and having difficult conversations, you can aid future preparation, your relationship with yourself, and emotional release. This can allow you to create better future outcomes for yourself and your loved ones.
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).
Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email [email protected] or online chat.
Samaritans – 0800 726 666
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Healthline – 0800 611 116
